Somehow I feel like I lost all hope while simultaneously being given a rousing speech. As thought I was told it was time to die, but that that's just how it is and the sooner I accept it, the better I'll be.
I really liked this - there's a definite touch of the psychedelic here. Especially the weird mix of religious fervour and suggested space opera. This deserves to be expanded into a setting and turned into something longer. The worldbuilding element is very evocative.
And stylistically, the writing's really good - the sentences may be short but they are overflowing. And it doesn't, at any point, come across as pretentious in any way - I think that's the best compliment.
[from a proofreading perspective - in the first bit did you mean 'planet' rather than 'plant'?]
Thank you, especially for the proofreading note. It astounds me how I can read something over and over and, no matter what, errors slip through.
This was initially a one-off. But the responses, and the personal fun I had in combining stoical/religious ideals with science fiction, almost make expanding a necessity.
And yes, very glad it doesn't come across as preachy. Mainly I wanted to introduce the science/fiction parts, with the religious/philosophical elements fulfilling the role of the "reckless tactics"/"experimental technology" from the prompt.
I know what you mean about the proofreading thing - I do it professionally (along with translation) and even for me there are some times when my brain just stops working for some reason - or my eyes, rather. But I'm glad you appreciated it - I too am totally open to people pointing out any latent typos I may have missed.
No, it didn't come across as preachy at all - although from a character perspective it would work if it did - it's the kind of juxtaposition or apparent contradiction/dissonance in having a super-advanced tech setting and old-fashioned religiosity which works really well - mind you, I think a lot of lifeforms would react against super-advanced tech by going back to nature, so to speak, and isolating themselves from a galactic empire. I don't think the empire would mind that, as such monkishness wouldn't be seen as a threat, lol. In other words, super-advanced tech and space opera settings are not incompatible with massive cultural variety.
This would especially happen psychohistorically, in which a lifeform explores the galaxy for, say, half a million years, then sees all there is to see, then they all long to return to the homeworld and live simple lives again before 'fading' to extinction (or evolving into a non-physical/post spacefaring phase of existence - as an aside, if we reduce that period from 500,000 years to, say 10,000, then you have one hypothetical answer to the Fermi paradox). I have a long story in mind about that, which I will have to get around to writing at some point (once I've finished up all the seemingly endless other ideas I have causing such consternation in my head).
So I would say definitely expand on all that - it makes it wonderfully rich and immersive...
Somehow I feel like I lost all hope while simultaneously being given a rousing speech. As thought I was told it was time to die, but that that's just how it is and the sooner I accept it, the better I'll be.
What a fun mix of emotions and imagery!
This was fascinating, particularly with the religious slant to the language. A strange mix of hope in the midst of hopelessness.
I really liked this - there's a definite touch of the psychedelic here. Especially the weird mix of religious fervour and suggested space opera. This deserves to be expanded into a setting and turned into something longer. The worldbuilding element is very evocative.
And stylistically, the writing's really good - the sentences may be short but they are overflowing. And it doesn't, at any point, come across as pretentious in any way - I think that's the best compliment.
[from a proofreading perspective - in the first bit did you mean 'planet' rather than 'plant'?]
This was really good - nice one!
Thank you, especially for the proofreading note. It astounds me how I can read something over and over and, no matter what, errors slip through.
This was initially a one-off. But the responses, and the personal fun I had in combining stoical/religious ideals with science fiction, almost make expanding a necessity.
And yes, very glad it doesn't come across as preachy. Mainly I wanted to introduce the science/fiction parts, with the religious/philosophical elements fulfilling the role of the "reckless tactics"/"experimental technology" from the prompt.
Thanks again for reading!
I know what you mean about the proofreading thing - I do it professionally (along with translation) and even for me there are some times when my brain just stops working for some reason - or my eyes, rather. But I'm glad you appreciated it - I too am totally open to people pointing out any latent typos I may have missed.
No, it didn't come across as preachy at all - although from a character perspective it would work if it did - it's the kind of juxtaposition or apparent contradiction/dissonance in having a super-advanced tech setting and old-fashioned religiosity which works really well - mind you, I think a lot of lifeforms would react against super-advanced tech by going back to nature, so to speak, and isolating themselves from a galactic empire. I don't think the empire would mind that, as such monkishness wouldn't be seen as a threat, lol. In other words, super-advanced tech and space opera settings are not incompatible with massive cultural variety.
This would especially happen psychohistorically, in which a lifeform explores the galaxy for, say, half a million years, then sees all there is to see, then they all long to return to the homeworld and live simple lives again before 'fading' to extinction (or evolving into a non-physical/post spacefaring phase of existence - as an aside, if we reduce that period from 500,000 years to, say 10,000, then you have one hypothetical answer to the Fermi paradox). I have a long story in mind about that, which I will have to get around to writing at some point (once I've finished up all the seemingly endless other ideas I have causing such consternation in my head).
So I would say definitely expand on all that - it makes it wonderfully rich and immersive...
This had so much depth. My favourite part was definitely "Remember that a material body is no basket in which to set your eggs".
weird and fantastic!